Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
