i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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