Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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