Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
