I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
