Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Randomize
