just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
