i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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