I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
