so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
