i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
