I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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