I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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