I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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