I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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