there's paper in my vomit.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
