just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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