i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
