On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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