does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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