a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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