My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
