First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I am naked and annoyed.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
