Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
