Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
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