I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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