i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
