i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
