you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
