You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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