Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
