smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
