a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
