i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
