Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
