she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
