Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
