I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
