A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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