How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
