Got a toothbrush?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
