i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
