I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
