Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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