if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
