She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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