Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
