drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
