It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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