i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
