I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
