her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
