Kiss
Puke
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
