ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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