the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
